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HOW TO DEAL WITH FAILURE.

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it. This you have the power to revoke at any moment."
- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations (28)

It Starts At Your Relationship With Failure

Fear is the only thing holding anyone back from achieving a more ideal life. Your relationship with failure will determine your outcome in life. I know some people who are so afraid to fail that they don't try anything at all. The craziest thing they'll try is a new restaurant once in a while. In order to live a life of fulfillment and achievement, change your relationship with failure. 

Accept that failure is just one of two outcomes in every opportunity to improve at something. It doesn't mean anything about you as a person. When you do anything, you can either have a positive or negative outcome depending on your expectations.

When you feel something the first thing you ask yourself is "what does this feeling mean{". When you fail at something, the first thing you do is try to find out what it means about yourself. 

Accept that failure is nothing but an opportunity to discover something new. If you try something new or practice what you want to achieve or improve and you fail, good. If you don't fail the first time, then how can you improve? If you achieve everything you want the first time, you probably don't need to read this.

Failure is always going to be unpleasant. 

But when you develop a healthy relationship with it, you won't attach your identity to it. 

I recently competed in a jiu-jitsu tournament. Hanging out after my match a black belt from another gym came by a group of my teammates. They started talking about his matches went and he ended with "Competition is awesome man. I love getting my ass kicked!" I know that this particular black belt competitor flies all around the world competing on a regular basis. That's the kind of relationship he has with failure - he loves when it happens @ OF course he loves winning, or he wouldn't do it. He win's often, but he isn't afraid to lose. And he doesn't allow it to negatively affect his identity. Whether you agree with his philosophy or not of being okay with losing my hat's a man with mojo and he is  loser. No one is perfect. Even athletes with perfect records in sports lose in practice. There's always something to realize within every failure.e Ask yourself "Why did this happen? What can I do better next time? " Instead of "What does this mean about me?"

ALLOW PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE TO FAIL

Have grace for the people in your life to fail. Help them see that failure is just a part of evolving as a human and as a spiritual being. That's how we heal our karmas - by trying and experiencing and failing and getting back up and conquering. 

Everyone will make mistakes in your life - your family, friends, coworkers, employees and loved ones. If you're going to live with mojo, take responsibility for your tribe. Give them space and time to rectify their mistakes. Forgive them, teach them. Life is long - keep grace in your life so that people are evolving with you instead of turning from you. 

 

SAYING I'M SORRY

"By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected. "
- Dale Carnegie, How To Win Friends And Influence People (29)

Don't be afraid to apologize, even if you're not wrong. People want to feel like they're in control of the situation, so give them that feeling early and often. It doesn't hurt your livelihood if you get him to see things your way or give you what you want. Seek to understand their point of view, and let them know when you do . Even if they're wrong, don't you understand them? Can't you let them know that you understand them and justify their feelings, subconsciously helping them work through it? 

Make friends with your adversaries before the fight starts. Have empathy, humility and openness. Let your love cut through even the toughest of hearts. Even if you can't convince them you're right, at least they won't see you as an enemy in their eyes. At the end of the day it always helps to disarm your enemies even if you go home empty-handed.

Your counterpart sees things from your perspective much more easily when you help them feel like you understand theirs and give them a sense of control over the conversation.

This is one of those things that requires repetition in practice. I recommend reading the book "Never Split The Difference" by Chris Vocss. That guy wrote one hell of a book on the use of empathy in negotiation and it''ll transform the way you approach your interactions with people.

"Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings."
- Chris Voss, Never Split The Difference" 

You can't be a driftwood in the stormy sea. You have to become the captain of your own ship. when the seas become stormy, turn to your own logbook.

Write down your goals. Journal your progress. Track the data and report on your hypotheses. You are the scientist of your life's great experiment.

Systematically achieve your goals by thinking through and documenting how to accomplish each task you have set before you.

It'll help solidify your vision. Each time you write it down, your mental groove becomes deeper and deeper. 

Set a specific time each day to reflect on your daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly, and long-term goals. I like to use the last hour before bed and occasionally early in the morning to journal about my progress and review my goals. You don't need to lose it, but the value of journaling and measuring your progress cannot be overstated. 

Continue to visualize your life and your ultimate character and you achieve your goals. There's a study that those who visualize more than they practice improve fate than those who spend all their time mechanically practicing without ever visualizing. 

That's how powerful and effective creative visualization can b e when shaping your nature your character, your identity, and self belief- In Lanny Bassham's highly influential book "With winning In Mind" he outlines how he used visualization to win an Olympic gold medal, winding more time visualizing than actual practicing. 

So visualize your desires, painting them out thoroughly in your mind. Wire them down and write down some actions you're going to take every day, weekly, monthly quarter, and year to make them a reality. Writing it down makes it real. 

Measure your KPIs I(key performance indicators( the things that are important to your goal. If your life a multimillion dollar business operation, what data would you measure? What goals would you be tracking How would you report that new data to your boss? Start taking your life seriously. Treat your life like it's a multimillion dollar movie production, business operation, or war campaign.

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