Categories
Depression Get Your Mojo Back News Uncategorized

HOW TO DEAL WITH FAILURE.

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it. This you have the power to revoke at any moment."
- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations (28)

It Starts At Your Relationship With Failure

Fear is the only thing holding anyone back from achieving a more ideal life. Your relationship with failure will determine your outcome in life. I know some people who are so afraid to fail that they don't try anything at all. The craziest thing they'll try is a new restaurant once in a while. In order to live a life of fulfillment and achievement, change your relationship with failure. 

Accept that failure is just one of two outcomes in every opportunity to improve at something. It doesn't mean anything about you as a person. When you do anything, you can either have a positive or negative outcome depending on your expectations.

When you feel something the first thing you ask yourself is "what does this feeling mean{". When you fail at something, the first thing you do is try to find out what it means about yourself. 

Accept that failure is nothing but an opportunity to discover something new. If you try something new or practice what you want to achieve or improve and you fail, good. If you don't fail the first time, then how can you improve? If you achieve everything you want the first time, you probably don't need to read this.

Failure is always going to be unpleasant. 

But when you develop a healthy relationship with it, you won't attach your identity to it. 

I recently competed in a jiu-jitsu tournament. Hanging out after my match a black belt from another gym came by a group of my teammates. They started talking about his matches went and he ended with "Competition is awesome man. I love getting my ass kicked!" I know that this particular black belt competitor flies all around the world competing on a regular basis. That's the kind of relationship he has with failure - he loves when it happens @ OF course he loves winning, or he wouldn't do it. He win's often, but he isn't afraid to lose. And he doesn't allow it to negatively affect his identity. Whether you agree with his philosophy or not of being okay with losing my hat's a man with mojo and he is  loser. No one is perfect. Even athletes with perfect records in sports lose in practice. There's always something to realize within every failure.e Ask yourself "Why did this happen? What can I do better next time? " Instead of "What does this mean about me?"

ALLOW PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE TO FAIL

Have grace for the people in your life to fail. Help them see that failure is just a part of evolving as a human and as a spiritual being. That's how we heal our karmas - by trying and experiencing and failing and getting back up and conquering. 

Everyone will make mistakes in your life - your family, friends, coworkers, employees and loved ones. If you're going to live with mojo, take responsibility for your tribe. Give them space and time to rectify their mistakes. Forgive them, teach them. Life is long - keep grace in your life so that people are evolving with you instead of turning from you. 

 

SAYING I'M SORRY

"By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected. "
- Dale Carnegie, How To Win Friends And Influence People (29)

Don't be afraid to apologize, even if you're not wrong. People want to feel like they're in control of the situation, so give them that feeling early and often. It doesn't hurt your livelihood if you get him to see things your way or give you what you want. Seek to understand their point of view, and let them know when you do . Even if they're wrong, don't you understand them? Can't you let them know that you understand them and justify their feelings, subconsciously helping them work through it? 

Make friends with your adversaries before the fight starts. Have empathy, humility and openness. Let your love cut through even the toughest of hearts. Even if you can't convince them you're right, at least they won't see you as an enemy in their eyes. At the end of the day it always helps to disarm your enemies even if you go home empty-handed.

Your counterpart sees things from your perspective much more easily when you help them feel like you understand theirs and give them a sense of control over the conversation.

This is one of those things that requires repetition in practice. I recommend reading the book "Never Split The Difference" by Chris Vocss. That guy wrote one hell of a book on the use of empathy in negotiation and it''ll transform the way you approach your interactions with people.

"Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings."
- Chris Voss, Never Split The Difference" 

You can't be a driftwood in the stormy sea. You have to become the captain of your own ship. when the seas become stormy, turn to your own logbook.

Write down your goals. Journal your progress. Track the data and report on your hypotheses. You are the scientist of your life's great experiment.

Systematically achieve your goals by thinking through and documenting how to accomplish each task you have set before you.

It'll help solidify your vision. Each time you write it down, your mental groove becomes deeper and deeper. 

Set a specific time each day to reflect on your daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly, and long-term goals. I like to use the last hour before bed and occasionally early in the morning to journal about my progress and review my goals. You don't need to lose it, but the value of journaling and measuring your progress cannot be overstated. 

Continue to visualize your life and your ultimate character and you achieve your goals. There's a study that those who visualize more than they practice improve fate than those who spend all their time mechanically practicing without ever visualizing. 

That's how powerful and effective creative visualization can b e when shaping your nature your character, your identity, and self belief- In Lanny Bassham's highly influential book "With winning In Mind" he outlines how he used visualization to win an Olympic gold medal, winding more time visualizing than actual practicing. 

So visualize your desires, painting them out thoroughly in your mind. Wire them down and write down some actions you're going to take every day, weekly, monthly quarter, and year to make them a reality. Writing it down makes it real. 

Measure your KPIs I(key performance indicators( the things that are important to your goal. If your life a multimillion dollar business operation, what data would you measure? What goals would you be tracking How would you report that new data to your boss? Start taking your life seriously. Treat your life like it's a multimillion dollar movie production, business operation, or war campaign.

Categories
News

VFS 5 Previews & Picks: Must-See Matches

Valley Fight Series 5 amateur MMA promotion in Reedley, California this Saturday September 28 at The Armory Hall.

2 days away.

I'm competing in my first ever sub-only superfight against Marlon Leano from Piranha BJJ in Bakersfield. Couldn't be more excited. My "camp" went about as perfectly as one can go. Overcame some early injuries. Made weight with little effort. Feeling well-prepared. Woke up with some flu-like symptoms this morning, but I believe they will pass by Saturday, because it's at that minor level where it feels like it's not gonna fully set in, you know what I mean? Fingers crossed. Either way I'm ready to showcase my skills and have an all-around good time on Saturday.

As excited as I am to compete, I can't help but look forward to the other fights on the card.
There are some very special matchups that you won't want to miss. I'm taking a few minutes now to talk about some of my favorites:

Severiano Perez vs. Sterling Ingram

These two guys are fighting for the lightweight title. Both are returning Valley Fight Series fighters, and both are promising young guys.

Severiano Perez is 19 years old, the younger brother of heavyweight title contender AJ Perez. I met Severiano at the VFS 5 Press conference and got a chance to talk with him for a few minutes about his training, his perspective on competing and life in general. While he is only 19, he speaks with a level of humility and wisdom well beyond his years. Still, he is firey and believes he can be the best, which is what it takes to become the best.

In his last match, at VFS 4,  he took the KO win over Catre Warren:

19 years old is super young, but if you talk to this kid for 5 minutes you'll get the sense that he has unlimited potential and he is capable of greatness. He has an incredible work ethic and the sky is the limit for him.

Sterling Ingram

Now let's talk about Sterling "Money" Ingram. I've seen Sterling fight twice for Valley Fight Series and both times he was super entertaining and took the win. I sat next to him at the VFS 5 press conference and could tell right away he's a strong personality. Very friendly guy. I got along with him great. It's hard not to root for the guy. He's got a boxing championship belt, runs 5 miles every day, and has a super positive respectful attitude toward his competition.

He's 2-0 in Valley Fight Series. I believe he's the same age as me, 28. His confidence as a man and as a fighter is inspiring. The guy is easy to root for. Here's a video of his last fight at Valley Fight Series:

I'm having a hard time deciding who I want, much less expect, to win this fight. I'm expecting for both guys to put on a tremendous performance. Only one guy can walk away with the belt, but there should be no losers in this fight.

I think Sterling has more tools in his belt and it'll be tough for Sevy to overcome, but I can also see Sevy's youth and aggressiveness factoring well into this fight.

Gun-to-my-head pick: If you held a gun to my head, I'd have to go with Sterling. He's got more experience, he's got more time training, more tools in his kit. But these two are both winners as men and as fighters and I have high hopes for both of them regardless of the outcome on Saturday.

AJ Perez vs. Omar Reneau

These two heavy hitters are fighting for the light heavyweight title and it is going to be an absolute barn burner. These two men are true dogs, and are coming to brawl. After the VFS 5 Press Conference I couldn't help but feel like a win for AJ Perez would mean a lot more than it would for Omar.

I don't know either of them very well, they were both really nice to me. Yet, I had a chance to chat with entire the Perez family and couldn't help but feel like they are a true cinderella story in the making. A win for AJ would warm my heart.

That said, Omar is a mother F'er of a fighter and that's what we are talking about here.
He won the light heavyweight title at the last Valley Fight Series defeating Hack Culling:

 

 

Omar has a legitimate team behind him. He's making a push for greatness. He's got the fighter mentality, military man, long time training, well rounded MMA game. He should be a tall order for AJ and he has a very high ceiling in MMA.

AJ Perez

AJ is a very young dude. You wouldn't know this from talking to him because he talks like a wise man who has been to war. His self-belief is inspiring. He's got a lot of heart and his approach to MMA is one of perpetual learning. He's patient, knowing he is still young, but has no self-imposed limitations and believes he can make a pro push. It's hard not to believe in him too. I know he has a wrestling background. As far as I can tell he is a wrestling boxer, but I wouldn't underestimate his ability to kick and grapple from his back either.

Here's AJ putting it on Ruben Castaneda Jr in spectacular fashion at Valley Fight Series 3:

 

 

Omar looks like the far more athletic opponent, but AJ is strong and he trains hard. I think this is going to be a true clash for the ages in Valley Fight Series history. Whoever wins, there will be blood, and I expect an all-out war.

Gun-to-my-head pick: If I was in Vegas, I'd put some money on Omar because I think he has more tools in his belt.

But I'm not gonna be in Vegas. I'm gonna be in the building with my hands partially covering my eyes. And my heart says to go with AJ. Dreams do come true, and this title would mean so much more in the hands of AJ than Omar's. I might be picking wrong, I might not be doing the correct math, but fuck it, it's amateur MMA and it's gonna be fun either way. So AJ Perez is my official pick for this fight.

James Delsid vs. Kastriot Useni

Let's talk about this doozy!!!

Last minute bout scheduled yesterday, I can't believe it's really happening. James Delsid is not only a friend and former training partner of mine, he's my favorite amateur MMA fighter of all time. As far as entertaining fighters go, this guy is on top. I totally believe in his jiujitsu because he's put it on me so many times. He works relentlessly on his craft with boxing and even with the kickboxing, and he is as game as they come. He's a real OG. He will fight anyone at anytime, fighting is who he is.

His opponent, Kastriot Useni, is from the MMA royal bloodline SBG Ireland. His coach none other than John Kavanaugh. If you're not keen to MMA, that's Conor McGregor's coach. If you look at Useni's instagram page, you'll see pictures of him training with the SBG squad, including his most recent photo with Artem Lobov. This guy is training in a world class facility in Ireland as we speak. He's probably flying in tomorrow. He's fighting out of West Hollywood, so I'm not sure how that fits into his training at SBG Ireland, but never matter.

This guy is a legit actor. He was in Blue Mountain State, and a few other appearances. It looks like he's working on some more stuff. Good for him.

I haven't seen any of his fights, but I have to imagine he's in the right environment for improving his game on a professional level. Even if he's not spending a ton of time with Kavanaugh himself, the training facility looks impeccable, and he seems to genuinely have the support of those guys on a higher-than-entry level.

Let's accept the fact that we have no idea how this match is gonna go down.

That said, I'm putting all my chips on the table towards Delsid because he's my boy, he's on a tear right now fighting all the time and winning, and he's an absolute dog.

Here's James winning 7 months ago in the 209 Beatdown promotion:

So there you have it. My title fight summaries and picks, and my pick for the special last minute bout between James Delsid and the SBC Ireland hotshot Kastriot Useni.

There are plenty of other great matchups on the card, but it's getting late, I'm feeling a bit under the weather so I've got to rest up, tomorrow's Friday, I'm not trying to have a Michael Jordan flu game on Saturday so I'm gonna wrap it up now and get ready for bed.

I'm really excited to get in the cage and compete, and I'm almost JUST as excited to watch some of these other bouts.

If you haven't purchased your tickets yet, don't miss out, get them while you still can. You can buy them from me or you can buy them at VFSMMA.com 

If you're gonna buy them at the gate, get there early!

See you Saturday, ladies and gentlemen.

Till next time.